Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Insults

Marcia sent these insults

When  Insults Had Class


These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter  words:

 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:  She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."  He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink  it."   

 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."  "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."    

 

"He had delusions of adequacy."  -   Walter Kerr   

 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  -Winston Churchill   

 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."   Clarence Darrow   

 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."  -   William Faulkner (about Ernest  Hemingway).  -   

 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."  -   Moses Hadas   

 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."   -   Mark Twain   

 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."  -   Oscar  Wilde   

 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."  -  George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill  "Cannot  possibly attend first night, will attend  second.... if there is one."  - Winston Churchill, in response.   

 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -  Stephen Bishop   

 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."  -   John Bright   

 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."  -   Irvin S. Cobb   

 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -  Samuel Johnson   

 

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."  -   Paul Keating   

 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -  Charles, Count Talleyrand   

 

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."  -   Forrest Tucker   

 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -  Mark Twain   

 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West   

 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." -  Oscar Wilde   

 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."  -   Andrew Lang (1844-1912)   

 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."   -   Billy Wilder   


 "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."  -  Groucho Marx  

 

 


 

 

 

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